Majestic
I’m not a huge Razer fan, but somehow I’ve wound up with several of their peripherals. I suppose they’re one of the few companies making above average gear in white, which is basically its own looney tunes cult at this point. Of the items I own, the DAv3 mouse has a systemic build issue wherein the sides eventually loosen, and it makes a creaking noise like the ghost from The Grudge when you grip it. The Blackshark V2 Pro is held together by 5mm rods that will eventually snap on you, and you’ll be sad. The Synapse software is clunky at best, and doesn’t even warn you when items are running out of batteries when you’re gaming, or when firmware upgrades exist. Their warranties are vague and intentionally difficult to redeem, despite inherent design and build deficiencies. That is to say, as a company, Razer hasn’t been super great to me.

Enter this beautiful beast. I have had a hard time finding a mouse pad I liked. I’ve gone through a dozen in the past 6 months. Either they track poorly, scuff easily, are nasty on the wrist, or there is some other disappointing feature. I am a mediocre gamer; certainly not a $100 mousepad e-sports athlete. But this thing makes me feel like a rank 1 super genius. That’s not to say that it’s improved my abilities or made me a better player, but it has made me FEEL like one.

This elegant beauty is a sheet of white tempered glass. Despite Amazon’s every attempt to shatter it during transport by placing it in the same box as a 30lb bag of dog food, this came “Used – Very Good” looking like the first marshmallow snowfall in Candyland in 340 years. When used, its pristine surface feels like you are ice skating right after the zamboni has rendered the surface crisp yet slightly tacky, even though you’ve never been ice skating before, and you normally have the balance of a drunken bonobo. It makes a swishing noise that resembles a young Brian Boitano hitting a triple jump, full of hope and wonder.

The branding is subtle but not unappealing. It looks downright sexy next to the matching white Deathadder. Its behemoth footprint may seem unreasonable– nay even gaudy, at first. But then you realize that real esports pads have been this large since the days of yore, when Artisan and Lethal Gaming Gear were still twinkles in their overpriced yet luxurious mousepad daddy’s eyes. And, if you aren’t talented enough to make use of the full surface, it can proffer a really nice place to store your bowl of cereal next to your mouse while you get “just one more capture in Palworld, Mom.”

Let’s talk about the weight of this glorious thing for a second. It’s heavy. You could probably bludgeon a burglar with it successfully, despite having not exercised since your sophomore year of high school, when you determined Fortnite was more important than hygiene or ever moving your body again. Even better, it won’t move a millimeter as you flail your mouse hand around trying to emulate “Flash APM” in Starcraft. It also doesn’t seem to show much of my transferred wrist sludge, which is really fortunate. When there is a bit of gunk, it’s super easy to clean, unlike most cloth or alternative “not as cool” materials they use to make those other boring mouse pads out of.

Overall, I am extremely happy with this purchase. I went in expecting about a 75% chance of returning it. That rate has plummeted to 0%, and I may just have to show it off and try to rationalize it to the 0-2 people in my life that would actually understand such a vanity purchase. This is a fair warning to all other mouse pads: you are on notice; either evolve, or die.